Things change so fast. One minute you’re learning about the westward expedition in high school AP American History and the next you’re about to graduate from college…stuck between your dreams and your degree. It’s a crazy dichotomy and one that is shared by more than just me and my closest friends.
I mean, we can’t be the only seniors getting a little sappy at midnight, struggling with the prospect of “forever” and life after college. And we can’t be the only ones who aren’t going to attend graduation on June 9th. Hours of sitting? To receive a piece of paper? That’s not even my diploma? And the bars are opening early? Well, shit…you know they call it alphabetically and my last name starts with “W”, right? It’s not that I’m not excited to graduate, because I am. I am ready to get out of Athens. I am ready to grow up, so to speak. But only a nut would prefer a cubicle rollie chair over a driveway couch.
Since January 1, 2012, I have had a firm idea of how I wanted my life to proceed after graduation. Each day since New Years, that vision has snowballed and snowballed into something so firm that I felt like I already had it. In fact, I felt crushed by it. I wake up each morning with such extreme anxiety that only a cruise through Stroud’s can calm me. And that’s my rock right there: Stroud’s. It only ever changes a little and always closer towards perfection. And I’ve always been most inspired after those lengthy cruises through the park. My favorite posts have come after a “Stroud’s Run.” The inspiration I get from being outside is a huge contributing factor to my desire to venture west and see new things. Stroud’s is a small park, but it makes you feel something in a big way.
But on June 9th, that’s all gone. And where will I be? I’ve talked so much on San Diego…so much that anything east of Cali feels like a failure. So much that if I were to defer it would be to cower in a corner with my tail placed firmly between my legs. I can’t do it. On July 1, 2012, I will be determinedly in San Diego, deep in the whale’s vagina. Some people graduate from college and feel that their degree is enough. They feel ready for the world and that’s great. But I need some solidarity, I need some alone time, I need to be on my own in San Diego. So degree or otherwise, you’ll know where to look for me.
Just know that when you do find me, I won’t have been vacationing. Because much like those westward pioneers from way back, I’m looking for something out there too. These are dreams we’re talking about. And I won’t stop trying until I get them.
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